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FamilyHeart Funny Kids!

Welcome to the funny side of being a parent! This page is dedicated to the funny things our kids say.

If your kid said something funny that had you doubled-over laughing, tell FamilyHeart. We'll post it here where we ALL can laugh! Just use the FamilyHeart E-mail button. While you're here, please sign our guestbook. Thanks to all the moms, dads and grandparents who contributed their funny kid quotes.

Due to too much content (oh darn!), we had to break up the 'FamilyHeart Funny Kid Quotes' page. Please view our new Kids In Church web page.

I was showing my 3 year old son how to walk on his tip-toes. He was doing pretty good but then began to walk on his heals. "LOOK Mommy!" he said, "I'm walking on my tippy-heals!"

On occasion, my son would ask me what I did at work. I'd tell him that I was an engineer and that I made Hard Drives. At a family picnic I was speaking with a cousin of mine that I had not seen in decades. He asked me what I had been up to and what I was doing for a living. Before I could answer, my son stated "My daddy drives trains, and he drives them HARD!"

On our last family vacation, we decided to head to the Washington coast. "Where are we going?" my son asked. "We're going to Seattle," I answered back. My son asked the same question over and over, each time puzzled. We were both losing our temper when finally my son questioned "Dad, Who is Attle and why do we want to go SEE him?!?"

We were doing some finishing work in our basement and began to spackle the walls. I came across some suspicious fingerprints in the spackling that were made by tiny hands. The first day it was cute, but by the second day I was getting tired of smoothing out the finger prints. I asked my daughter if she was the one making the finger prints, she replied "no." I asked here again, "are your sure sweetie, they sure look like your prints?" Again she said "no." Convinced that she did it, I took her hand and showed how perfectly her finger fit into the impression. "Your finger fits perfectly, sweetie are you sure that this finger did not make that print?" She answered "No daddy, that finger did not make that print... I used THIS finger!"

My son had attended his first Sunday School class earlier in the day. After his class, I filled up his inflatable swimming pool and let him wade in the water. Pretty soon, I caught him scooping out all of the water and dumping it out onto the grass. "What are your doing?" I questioned. "Daddy, this water is broken so I'm getting rid of it!" my son replied. I questioned him again "What do you mean its broken?" He replied "Jesus could walk on top of his water, I just sink in mine!"

My stepson was 5 years old and was just learning to write. One day we were in my office building and he was drawing on the white board in my office. I asked him to write his sister's name, Robin. He spelled it out neatly and perfectly...ROBIN. I then asked him to write my name, Laurie. He spelled that neatly and perfectly...LAURIE. Finally, I asked him to write his dad's name, Al. He proudly said "that's an EASY one!!!", and stood up again and carefully wrote out the letters "LA".

My son and I were in our yard and were lucky enough to find a Praying Mantis. Down on the grown, near the Mantis was a small moth heading right toward it. The Mantis snatched the moth and proceed to eat it there before our eyes. My Son, 3 1/2 yrs old responded "Mantis is eating dinner, YUMMY!... But POOOOOR BUG!"

One day my son Sebastian and I were walking back home from the store. The sun had just recently set and the moon was up. The moon was so huge and beautiful. It was perfectly in half and the color was as if it were an orange and lemon blended together. My son Sebastian said "WOW mommy look at the moon, it is picture perfect." and I said "It sure is." He said "It looks like a lemon and orange mixed together then cut in half." I said "It sure does." Then after a moment of silence, He said "You know, that man sure must have a lot of food up there." Trying hard not to laugh, I said "Yeah?" and He said "Yeah, cause I've seen him sometimes... and he's full."

My 5 year old niece, being totally sincere, says to her other Aunty this: "I know you really want to get married, but it's not that no one wants to marry you, they just don't know where you live."

I was very pregnant when my daughter, now 29, was three years old. Monica was playing on the floor with a barbie doll and a little tiny rubber baby doll. She put the little doll under the gown of the Barbie and held the dress tightly around the legs to keep the baby from falling out. She played this way for several minutes and then released the grip on the dress. Of coarse the tiny doll fell to the floor. Monica looked at it and said, "Darn it, I wanted a puppy!"

In our town there is a graveyard where the main street runs right through the center. My two daughters were discussing the situation when my 11 year old said she didn't understand why her grandmother would want to live right behind it. My 9 year old piped up," That's because when she goes, they won't have far to take her."

A few days after Christmas my 11 year old daughter was checking out the calendar to see who's birthday was coming up next. She sees there is a day marked, "Canadian Boxing Day". She asks, " What does boxing day mean?" My nine year old blurts out, "That is the day you box up your ornaments and put them away."

When my oldest son Dalton was 2 years old, he found his first box turtle. After playing with the poor thing for what seemed like hours, he began studying it very closely. After seeing him stare at it face to face for a long time, I couldn't resist any more. I finally asked him what he was looking at. He said "Mom, does he have a nightlight in his shell so he can see in there?"

Chris was in the kindergarten and getting his first taste of spelling and writing. He had just learning how to spell his name 'Chris'. When he returned home from school that day he asked "Mom, how do you spell 'TOPHER' ?" His mother replied "TOPHER, what do you mean TOPHER?" You know, Chris replied, ChrisTOPHER!"

My mother in law took our six year old out for lunch, to a playground and then Toys R Us on his birthday. They made a day of it. She is an RN and insisted he wash his hands at each place. Finally at one stop she told him "Just rinse 'em off." He replied "I've soaped these hands ALL OVER TOWN, thanks Grandma."

Dad had a few buddies waiting in a car outside. He was frantically looking for his bag of golf tees so he could golf with his friends. His son came running down the stairs with a paper cup and a golf ball. "Dad," he exclaimed, "I can make you some golf-tee!"

While driving down the road, my daughter Ashley, and her cousin Becky were chatting in the back seat. My daughter whined aloud "Mom, Becky hurt my feelings." Becky responded "No I didn't, I am sitting over here!"

As I was tucking my 5 year old daughter into bed one night, she informed me that she wanted to be "Porkacheese." Mom asked "Uh, what?" She said, "You know, Porkacheese, like my friend in school." Mom later discovered that her daughter's friend was Portuguese. Mom managed to correct her pronunciation...

After an early morning doctor appointment, dad checked his son in at the school office. Two secretaries in the office were having a discussion about a child who was 'playing hooky'. "Dad, Dad!" his son exclaimed, "How do you play that game Hooky?"

Mom and her 4 year old daughter were strolling in the back yard. "Sweetheart," asked mom, "should we plant a vegetable garden or have a flower garden?" Her daughter replied without hesitation, "Mom, lets have a kinder-garden!"

My son seemed unusually excited about an old rerun TV program 'Dinah Shore'. After it started he became agitated but continued to watch the program. Finally he threw his arms up in anger and shouted "MOM! This isn't about dinosaurs!"

Our six year old tried to run away from home. It scared me to death! Once I found him I mentioned that "Even the neighbor lady was looking for him." He replied "Will I be on TV too?"

Carsey told her mom "Mom, I have a new boy friend!" Mom replied "Wow, really? Does he know he's your boy friend?" Carsey confirmed "Yes Mom, he knows because I 'telled' him he was."

We have a family staying with us while they're in the process of moving into a new apartment. My husband took their 3-year-old son outside to play while his mom and dad left to go to school and work so that he wouldn't realize they were gone and start crying. When they came back in, the little boy looked around, realized that his parents were gone, and said, "Oh no, they're gone. Now I don't know where to go!"

One day a Grandpa decided to take his 4 year old granddaughter out for the first time on their own. He took her to visit her Great Grandma, and she would not talk to anyone or leave her Grandpa's side. Then he took her to McDonalds, when he asked her if she wanted a cheese burger, she replied "no". When she went to eat her burger, she yelled "where is the cheese", her Grandpa had to throw out the hamburger and buy her a cheese burger. And after all of that she just ate the meat and cheese. When he took her home to her mother, she said she had fun, and the Grandpa said "the next time she comes out with him she will be 16!"

When Jake was about 2 1/2 his Granny Annie and Pe Pa moved from New Orleans to Oklahoma. We all pitched in and helped them move. When it was over and done with we sat down on the porch to catch our breath and rest. Jacob did not yet speak clearly and often substituted "w's" for "r's" and "l's". Jake was sitting in his Grannie Annie's lap in the porch swing. She was talking nonsense to him and he rattled on for a little bit. In a minute, she asked him what his name was. He answered, "Jacob." She said, "Well, I thought your name was Elmer Fudd. You sound a lot like him" Very solemnly, he said, "No. It's Jacob." She said, "Really?" And just as solemnly, he said, "Weawwy."
James Earl Jones had a speech impediment as a child, and is now famous for his fantastic voice... FamilyHeart Webmaster

While looking at his birth pictures, my then 4 year old kept looking at the gory parts and asking what that was. I kept repeating, "thatís you, you are being born." He kept insisting, so I further explain the crowning part. Finally, he said, "no, thatís not me coming out of you. I'm stuck in a pizza."

From the 'watch out what you say' department - my preschoolers teachers had a field day with me for the next week after my other kid walked up to one of them and very politely asked: "will one of you please change my da*n diaper? "

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